Are you a Detecting Widow? Tips for Living in Harmony with a Detectorist

Humor and metal detecting don’t seem to get together very often. Colonial shoe buckles, flat buttons and old coins just aren’t very funny. It’s kind of like trying to find the humor in cross country skiing–you know its there… somewhere, but you’ve really got to search for it.

And when you do find it, don’t expect anyone who’s not involved in the hobby to understand it. You may be laughing out loud while watching a detectorist’s overzealous reactions to mediocre finds on a reality show, meanwhile the rest of your family is trying to figure out just whats so darn funny. Like I said, unless they detect, they just won’t understand.

But, I’ve yet to meet a detectorist without a sense of humor.  Humorous posts always rank high in popularity on my site, so I’ve decided over the next few weeks to delve into the archives, and re-post a few of the articles that have made folks smile.  The following is one of my personal favorites, so if you’d like a chuckle or two, or maybe a smirk, read on…

Note: Guys, your wives may like this

Are you a Detecting Widow?  Tips for Living in Harmony with a Detectorist.

Does your man disappear for hours only to return with a sack full of pull tabs, bottle caps, dirty coins, rusty thingies, lead bullets, or perhaps silver or gold?

After barely saying hello, does he race to clean his treasures, tag & bag his finds, or photograph them for sharing on internet forums or posting to Facebook?

Does the constant whirring of the rock tumbler, or the stench from his electrolysis device drive you insane?

If any of the above applies, then honey–You are a detecting widow. But look at the bright side, it’s better than being a straw widow (some of the older generation may get that).

So ladies, here’s some advice for maintaining harmony in the home when you live with a detectorist:

♥Add the following items to your grocery list:

Baking Soda
Vinegar
Peroxide
Extra toothbrushes (various bristle strengths)
Paper Towels
Ziploc bags (in all sizes)
Sharpies
Toothpicks
Plastic storage containers (assorted sizes)
Olive or Mineral Oil
Q-tips (make up swabs from the drug store work best)
Rubber bands for securing the large ziploc bag around the control panel in case of rain.
Protein bars
Bottled water

If you’re near a hardware store;

Fine steel wool
Naval Jelly
Acetone
Rubber coated gloves
Alligator clips
Electrical tape

You can get them all at once, or space them out a few at a time, and say sweetly “Oh honey, I was thinking of you today, and I picked this up for you”. Note–this could cause random donations to your clothing budget, or gift certificates for manicures.

Show (or pretend) you care:

•Scan the local store ads for battery sales. Nothing says “I love you” to a detectorist like an 8 pack of Double A, or a 2 pack of 9 Volts.

•A couple of cans of “Deep Woods Off” makes for an awesome Father’s Day gift.

•Tell him you don’t mind him tracking in site mud, but you believe it’s clogging the vacuum and you need a stronger machine. Go out and get that Miele or Sebo you’ve been wanting. Demonstrate it with lots of enthusiasm the next time he returns from a hunt.

•Learn the meaning of the word “clad”, he’ll think you’re interested, and may even share some with you.

•When his American Digger magazines arrives in the mail, don’t roll your eyes– run inside with it & say “Honeeeee your magazine is here. Can I look at it when you’re done? I want to see all the cool stuff people found”. Note-this only works if you follow through. Pick some random items from the magazine and say “Oh, this looks like that thing you found”. It doesn’t matter what it is, he probably has something similar in his collection. He’ll be tickled you paid attention.

•If you’ve got a freezer in the basement or garage, go to the craft store and get some magnets. Glue or attach some of his finds to them and stick them proudly on the freezer door. Be creative.

•Always encourage him. Men are hunters, this is what they love to do. It’s in their genes. Think of his finds as a prize, like a freshly killed mouse brought home by the cat. It may not seem like it, but they are gifts…really.

•Think smart. Encouragement leads to a desire for them to improve their skills. Improved skills leads to an increase in great finds. An increase in found gold will lead to an increase in the amount of jewelry you will own!

•Plan your vacations near historic sites that are also near outlet malls. As you pass the mall, act surprised & ask if he minds if you check it out while he’s detecting.

•Most important, never, ever, and I mean ever, let him see you throw away any of those rusty whatchamacalits. Did I say never?!! If he can’t find something, don’t ever, not even in a weak or angry moment let on that you tossed it. He may never find one of those again!! It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know WTF it is or was, someday he will be in a museum or on a some forum, see this item, and realize what he had (probably some rare part of a Civil War rifle), and you threw it away.

So ladies, take some, or all of my advice for living in harmony with a detectorist in your home. Being a detectorist myself, I’m familiar with both sides of the coin (literally).

Happy Shopping.